A lovely new mama I was talking to the other day was telling me about how hard it was to figure out what her newborn needed. He didn’t like the swaddles they tried, and they kept buying ones trying to find the right answer. In desperation, these new parents told me… hadn’t people figured this out already? Shouldn’t we know what works for babies?!
And I get it. People ask me variations of that question ALL THE TIME. The question essentially boils down to, what is the right answer? Do you have the magic fix?
But guess what? Babies are people. Toddlers and children are people. And every single one of them is their own unique being.
Think about adults? Does what work for you when you can’t sleep work for your partner? Your friend? Maybe it does, but probably not! That’s because we all have our own likes and dislikes that make us the wonderful individuals we are.
Same with babies. Yes, those cute little blobs have wants and needs, likes and dislikes. And you get to help them figure out what those are. You get to show them all the options they have and you get to teach them what feels good and what doesn’t.
Which is amazing!! Think about it, you get to teach someone where they can find joy and pleasure. And to do that, you have to figure out what doesn’t feel good.
So to my frustrated parents out there who just want to be told what to do, try a little reframe. Maybe they’re refusing the 27th bottle you bought not to make life miserable, but because they loooove the warmth and smell of you when you’re nursing. Maybe they throw a tantrum when you give them the blueberries they asked for because they’re not as sweet as yesterday, and they really love the taste of a perfectly ripe blueberry. If all babies needed the same things, then all humans would need the same things.
And I promise, those cute little lumps are not trying to make life hard for you on purpose. They’re just figuring it out, and looking to you for guidance. It’s definitely hard sometimes, but please remind yourself about how awesome it is as well. Why not enjoy it?
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