We’re starting early folks. But don’t worry, during this beginning phase, about ages 0 to three, it’s all about giving your little one options.
If you’re an overthinker like myself, you may have already noticed that people talk to your little about things that girls do, what boys can wear, who likes this, who likes that. And it may send you into a minor tailspin. Is this what they’ll be going to therapy about when they’re older?!? Will she complain about how I loved putting pink dresses on her, albeit covered in dinosaurs?!? O god, did I just misgender her?
And, like I often tell myself, I’m here to remind you: the fact that you are thinking and worried about this kind of stuff means you are asking the right questions. And if you’re not, well here are some tips for you to start thinking about!
It’s all about the exposure. Make sure you give your littles lots of opportunities to play with, read, and experience all sorts of things that go beyond traditional gender roles. That means books with all types of families, main characters that are boys, girls, or not clearly identifiable (check out The Rabbit Listened for a good example), and kiddos who do all kinds of activities. Toy trucks and baby dolls for everyone!
Start using proper terminology. And yes, I do mean for alllll the body parts. Normalize saying penis and vulva. Bath time and potty training are perfect for this. Why? Because it will make the conversations you have when they’re older easier, as they’ll already feel comfortable using these types of words with you. And if you’re lucky, your child will start saying vagina repeatedly when your at Old Navy (good times, good times).
Correct others if needed (including yourself)! This is really up to you and what you may or may not feel comfortable with. Sometimes I do step in and gently correct folks when they’re using extremely gendered ideas or terminology to or around my little. Not always in a mean way, just a gentle nudge ;) And sometimes I reserve my corrections just for my baby. Like, when someone says, “ooo all the boys will love how you dance when you’re older,” I’ll just say to her, “or girls, or whoever you want! But I’ll always love the way you dance!”
Remind them you love them NO MATTER WHAT. Again, we’re getting things ready for when they’re older and things are maybe a little more complicated. Little one and I now have a little routine when she’s feeling sad where she asks me to hold her and says, “When do you love me?” I then list all the times I love her, simple as that! When she’s happy, when she’s sad, when she cries, she when she makes a mess, when she’s a helper, when she has an accident, when she hits, when she laughs, when she sleeps…. The point is the love is unconditional. Full stop. And I plan on continuing telling her these things for a looooong time.
It may seem confusing, but talking about gender and sex with babies and toddlers isn’t all that bad. We’re really just setting the stage for the bigger convos to come, and planting seeds that will make them just a bit easier. By doing these things now, you’ll be ready to talk to your kiddo through each stage that comes, and support them through it all.
Any questions? Comment below, email or DM me, I love to talk about this stuff!! Or, let me know if you’re interested in a bonus email this week with books, toys, links, etc!
Thanks again for reading. Want to check out old posts? Click here! Love it and want to show your appreciation? Click the like button, comment below, email me back, forward to all your friends... everything helps!